Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
