i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
