The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm at about main and main street
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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