Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
