Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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