It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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