What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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