It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
