I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
