I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They have beer where we have blood.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
