There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
