Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
