Jerry, you need to find god
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
