FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
there is another microwave in the elevator.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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