I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
