oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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