If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
