i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
