Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
