um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
