2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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