my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
