____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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