True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
