they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
