I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
