I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
