I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
