dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
