hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
MIDGETS
????
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
