i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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