He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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