my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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