my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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