Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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