This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
