I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
