I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
