I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
