textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
