if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
