So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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