So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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