By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
