cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
