so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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