We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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