well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
