I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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