i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
