I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Did we literally take a cab across the street
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
