I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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