the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
