he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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