Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
