what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize
