...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
