i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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