Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
