final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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