The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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