Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
