My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
