honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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