Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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