i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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