You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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