Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
