Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
