in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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