Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
