Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
