so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
