she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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